From my book, THE DANCE OF ISAIAH (Available at Amazon.com)

CHAPTER  ELEVEN — I LEAVE THE PCA & JOIN THE FAMILY

It may be the conversion of a friend, sometimes a particular verse of Scripture, or a comment made by a friend which begins the inquirer down the path towards the Catholic faith.  In my case, it was an innocent looking link at the end of a web site which began my trek home. The link took me to a Catholic forum where a number of people were regularly engaging in the noble practice of apologetics. Although I found the posts interesting, I was sure that these people were in deep error and in need of my expertise as a Calvinist. So in I charged, full of Calvinist fire and brimstone for these  poor deluded wretches, who obviously needed to hear from someone who understood the Bible properly. They were totally unimpressed. They answered my objections with clear and concise reasoning and backed it with scripture.

I went away from that little meeting with a question ringing in my head over and over and over: if the Church is meant to be the pillar and ground of truth, and in being that, teach the truth of God to the nations, how can an  invisible Church do that? Furthermore, how can a Church which is splintered into thousands of differing sects provide a uniform answer? How does this mess called Protestantism actually speak with one voice about one truth? These were nettlesome questions, made even more provoking to me as I realized that in the Old Testament there had only been one congregation on earth where the sacrifices for sin and the word of God from prophets resided. How then could there be various competing bodies all claiming to be God’s one, true Church? If there was a single physical body on earth in the Old Testament by which God showed forth His truth and spoke to the nations, how then would God leave the earth bereft of such a clear witness in the better covenant of the New Testament? That made no sense at all.

I spent the  next year and a half in study more intense than when I had been in school. Everything I considered I put through the grid of the covenant of God. To my surprise, Catholic theology fit! The idea of a single body which is the covenant kingdom fit. The idea of baptismal regeneration fit! The idea of the Eucharist as the covenant meal of renewal fit! Intrigued, I dove in deeper. I began to buy books. I joked one day with my new Internet friends that if anyone were to come in and look over my bookshelves, they would immediately ask me where I was keeping my Rosary. I also laughingly admitted that my buying of apologetic books was strange behavior indeed for someone who was determined to not go to Rome. I had recently changed to an Episcopalian church using conservative and high liturgical rite and was convinced, by a friend in that church, that this was indeed the real Catholic Faith of the first century. Going to Rome? No. I was quite content where I was.

That lasted all of six months. It wasn’t long before I had studied the issue of the Eucharist and valid priestly orders and come to understand that the Anglican break with Rome invalidated the priesthood of England. As a result of reading the Early Fathers, I also came to disagree with the position of this body on the Eucharist, for while it is clear that the Early Fathers, even St. Augustine, regarded the elements as truly the Body and Blood of Christ, my Anglican body taught an almost but not quite Real Presence. And that simply was not good enough for me. It was the Eucharist which had been driving my interest ever since I read  Dr. Michael  Horton’s  defense of sacrament as means of grace some two years before. Even as a Presbyterian, once I had  read  that article I began to refer to the elements as the Body and Blood of the Lord, not understanding the issue of valid orders.

When I found out that the historic understanding of the Early Fathers was not shared by the assembly I was attending, I became very perturbed. I wanted out, but was not ready for Rome or the Pope yet. But I was ready for the Eucharist. And that hunger was just getting started. When I finally figured out the familial relationship of the covenant, in no small part thanks to the wonderful books and tapes of our brother Scott Hahn, I was ready to move. Not quite ready to send prayers to our Blessed Mother, but I understood the concepts I have presented in this book in a germinal way and they were opening the doors of the Vatican and inviting me to come across the Tiber and enter my spiritual Home.

In  June of  2000 I began  a series of catechumen classes at St. Ann’s Byzantine Catholic Church. I had a fascination with Eastern liturgy and worship, especially since they sang so much and I love to sing! The classes began with Christ’s passion and took me through the history of the Church from Pentecost onward. We studied history and then moved right into doctrine and Eastern spirituality.

Now I faced a real and serious conflict. My sons were serving as acolytes at the Reformed Episcopalian Church we were attending. I would go to early service there, and  then beat feet across town to attend Liturgy at St. Ann’s. During one particular liturgy, the soft and sweet voice of the Lord spoke to my heart and told me that this was where He wanted me to be.

No argument from me! I was already a member in my heart. As far as I was concerned, the Easter Vigil couldn’t come fast enough!! To compound my problem, with the approach of summer, the service times were changing and I would be only able to attend one church. I cared deeply for the wonderful people in the Episcopal church, but my heart was completely at home at St. Ann’s. Oh, what to do? What to do?

I spoke with Fr. John Tragillio at Seven Sorrows RC Church in Middletown. He listened to me with great interest and then simply said, “Don’t be in a hurry. God isn’t. He will get you where He wants you to be in His own time. Just relax and enjoy the trip”

In retrospect, some of the best advice I ever got. I put it all on the Lord’s shoulders in prayer and left it to Him. It wasn’t five weeks later that I had the chance to talk with Fr. Heckert at the Episcopalian church. Bless his  heart, he was  not at all  surprised. He had been bringing in a great deal of literature on praying the Rosary and other Catholic practices and had seen my great interest in this. When I explained my dilemma to him, he replied with  great grace that if this was where I was called to, then I must go for the safety of my soul. Seeing that his parish had less than twenty-five members, and he was trying desperately to build it up as a mission parish, this was indeed an example of great grace on his part.

With the blessing of Fr. Heckert and an ever-growing desire to learn more and more of the ancient and historical Christian faith as found  in the Catholic Church, I severed myself from the Reformed Episcopalian  body and began to be more  seriously involved in learning the rites and rituals, the glory and beauty that is Eastern Catholic worship. As with Scott Hahn, it was the covenant and my study of it which kept me  heading home  to the  faith  catholic. When one understands God’s eternal covenant properly, other beliefs simply do not fit it. I found  myself more and more intrigued with the Catholic Faith as the pieces fell into place one by one. If found myself, like many catechumens, literally hungering to receive our Lord in the Blessed Eucharist. For me, Holy Saturday couldn’t come fast enough. Yet, at the same time, the closer I came, the more the old doubts began to ooze through to the surface of my mind and bother me.

For most  converts, this time, especially during Lent, can be emotionally wrenching. They are not helped by well meaning friends and relatives who try to reason the catechumen out of his decision. I decided that it would be best for me to leave my discussions on the Internet with non-Catholics and concentrate my mind on the study of apologetic materials. This indeed gave me some relief and intention to press forward with my conversion to the faith. After the Great Paschal celebration was over, I wrote to all my Internet friends who had been cheering me on and praying for me.

Here is my description to them of my Holy Saturday:

Beloved in Christ!! CHRIST IS RISEN!!CHRISTOS VOSKRESE!!

From Great Saturday Stichera: Today Hades tearfully sighs: “Would that I had not received Him who was born of Mary, for He came to me and destroyed my power. He broke my bronze gates and, being God, delivered those I had been holding captive” Glory to your cross and resurrection, O Lord!”

Warm greetings  of joy on this day of our Lord’s glorious Resurrection!!I have been asked for a blow by blow account of my conversion weekend. I gladly and with great joy comply.

On Friday evening we had Solemn Vespers in which the tomb of  Christ  was brought forward  before  the Iconostasis. After the opening hymns and prayers, the priest led a the congregation around the church three times, holding aloft with two other priests, the icon sheet of the Crucified Christ. This was brought back in and placed atop the tomb. Around the tomb were massive amounts of lilies and flowers with three candles on large brass stands on both sides. Upon dismissal, each member of the congregation came forward on our knees and venerated the icon of His Crucifixion.

After dismissal and until Saturday Vespers, people took turns guarding the tomb for one hour shifts. My turn came on Saturday at 4 PM. I spent the day, as much as possible within the confines of family responsibilities, reading and meditating upon the Crucifixion and my sins which sent our beloved Savior to the Cross.

At 5 PM, the catechumens gathered for final instructions. The service began in the nave with the recitation of vows to follow Christ, renunciation of the devil and all his works, and a vow of fidelity to the Holy Mother  Church  as represented  by the  Holy Father and  the ordinary Magisterium. Then we were led into the sanctuary. There were three catechumens who  were  baptized, in this case, by the threefold pouring of water over their heads in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Then we put on white robes and we were all chrismated with the Oil of Joy. I cannot begin to describe the beauty of the fragrance of this oil. It is rose oil and the scent is lovely.

The three catechumens who were baptized were then marched three times around the table where the baptismal water and the oil of joy lay while we sang “All who have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ”.

Then the moment came which I have longed for. We closed the service with the Eucharist and I received Christ in this very special Sacrament. I would love to say to you that I saw angels and heard the heavenly choir, (you wouldn’t believe how I had this event built up in my mind!) but it was a quite regular reception. As I told my godfather later,  “It is not the feelings that matter regarding this.  It is the faith that I truly believe that this is the Son of God made present on the altar.” We then received small crosses to wear and each one of us was given a lovely icon of Christ. I shall be having mine blessed on the altar next weekend for the required 40 days.

My oldest daughter attended the ceremony, for which I was very thankful. Afterwards, my godfather, who is quickly becoming my best friend, had a chance to answer her questions regarding the altar the iconostasis, and the icons. I drove her home and got back just in time for the Resurrection Matins, which began at nine o’clock.Having been initiated  into the  one,  holy,  catholic,  and apostolic Church  of our Lord,  I joined  the choir for the evening service. After the opening hymns, we processed the church carrying candles and the priest, stopping at the doors of the darkened church, proclaimed “Christ is risen”. Every light in the church came on and the  bells rung  and we  processed  in  with  joy.  The icon of the Crucifixion was removed from the tomb and  the Paschal loaf was placed upon it. From there we sang the special hymns of the resurrection and celebrated the Eucharist.

When the  service  was over, we all went into the  church recreation hall for the blessing of the Paschal baskets. Each basket has the traditional meal in it consisting of:

Pascha — (“Paska”) A sweet yeast bread rich in eggs, butter, etc. Symbolic of Christ Himself. Braid encircles the top, giving it a crown effect.

Ham — (Sunka — “shoon-ka”)  Main dish because of its richness and symbolic of great joy and abundance of Easter.

Sausage  — (“kolbasi”)  A spicy, garlicy sausage of pork products, indicative of God’s favor and generosity.

Butter — (maslo — “ma-slo”) Shaped into a figure of a lamb or small cross. This  reminds us of the goodness of Christ that we should have toward all things.

Eggs  — (Pisanki  — “pi-sun-ki”) Hard boiled eggs brightly decorated with symbols and markings made with beeswax.  Indicative of new life and resurrection.

Cheese — (hrudku  — “hrood-ka”) A custard type cheese shaped into a ball having a rather bland but sweet taste indicative of the  moderation that Christians should  have  in all things. Also creamed cheese is placed in a small dish and both are decorated with symbols made out of cloves.

Horseradish — (Chrin – “Khrin”) Symbolic of the passion of Christ still in our midst by sweetened with some sugar because of the resurrection.

Salt  — (“sol”) A condiment necessary for flavor reminding the Christian of this duty to others.

Today, after Resurrection Liturgy, I went to Ray and Marie’s house for dinner. The food is every bit as wonderful as the description. The fellowship was warm and wonderful too. We had a room full of converts. I must say that this has been the most meaningful Lenten and Paschal celebration I have ever had. It all came together for me when I sat down to dinner and looked upon all the food. For 40 days we have fasted,  reflecting upon our sins and how barren our lives were without Christ. And before me, was this feast, which  is so very symbolic of the feast which Christ makes our life by His resurrection.

I have heard of converts having a couple of months after their conversion waking up  in the  morning and thinking to themselves, “Omigosh. What have I done?” Honestly, I didn’t think or feel that at all.  In fact, at liturgy this morning, I felt quite at home.So that is my wonderful weekend. It was kind of tiring, kind of exhilarating, and kind of ordinary.  But it will never be lived again. This is not an end point. Today is the beginning. Now I face the rest of my life to grow more in Christ, to deepen my faith, to walk with the Lord in charity for my fellow man.

St. Paul urges us: Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and  the sin  which doth  so  easily  beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2  Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who  for the joy  that  was  set  before him endured the cross, despising  the shame, and is set down at the  right  hand  of the throne of God.

INDEED HE IS RISEN!!!  VOISTINU VOSKRESE!!!

And the joyous journey continues to this day.