We live in a world of lust. As broken human beings, we are dominated by what the Roman Catholic church describes as “disordered passions.” In Orthodoxy, these passions are described as part of the fall, which subjected mankind to all manner of disorientation, both to himself and others. Our lusting comes in many forms – lust for power, for wealth, for fame – but particularly for one that seems to dominate our modern culture. The lust for sexual pleasure.

Pornography rules the Internet and is a multi-billion dollar business, thriving on the desires of our disordered passions. It feeds off the desire to use other people’s bodies for our own pleasure, and when we cannot obtain the bodies of other for a night’s pleasure, we use them in absentia by means of electronic videos. The lust for fornication is no longer the exclusive dominion of males. These days, women have become much more easily seducible. We have gone from times when the female form was a hidden mystery, to young women now wearing clothing so scant and tight that it leaves nothing to the imagination.

This is not to say that in times past fornication was not practiced, but the flaunting of the female body was not as open and widespread as it is today. Sexual predation has become rampant and sexual immorality of all kinds is widespread. Those of us who object to it are ridiculed.

As I was standing in line at my Orthodox parish, waiting to receive the Eucharist, which is the Body of Christ which hung upon the Cross and was resurrected in glory to spiritually nourish us, I had a most unusual thought: This is the body you have wanted all your life.

What is the basis of that thought? It was because I was one of the billions of people who lived a wanton and promiscuous life. And because of this life of sexual immorality, which began at an early age and lasted all the way up until I began to receive the very Body of Christ in the Eucharist, to this day I still struggle with thoughts and desires that I do not want. Pornography cuts a groove into the mind of the viewer. It is permanent scar in the psyche which will not turn itself off and must be constantly opposed. There is a habituation in the mind of the fornicator and porno watcher that says, “Look at that body. I want it. I want to fondle that. I want to enjoy it. I want to have sex with it.” I find now that I must constantly battle with a habituated thoughts that I no longer want any part of. This is the struggle of all addicted people, but unfortunately, our society, having let down the moral bar, is of no help in this aspect. The alcoholic can stay away from areas where he knows there are bars. The man addicted to work must take steps to turn from his family and to his computer. The drug addict can break away from his old druggie buddies and avoid those areas where he knows the dealers lurk. But those who have been addicted to visual stimuli leading to sexual sin have very little place in which to hide, especially during the summer. Winter, with its layers of clothing, offers some relief, but summer is a nightmare. I avoid swimming pools and beaches like the plague that they are. It will be a lifelong battle to cleanse my mind of practices which I engaged in for such a long time.

What is it that the sexually immoral want? It is too easy just to say that they are evil and write them off. In understanding people who are sexually addicted, as viewers of pornography are, like all addicts you will find deep scars of damage, often done to them as children. The Alcoholics Anonymous book talks about using addiction to “medicate away the pain of life.” The intense pleasure of the sexual orgasm gives a fleeting sense of joy, a false sense of happiness that overrides all pain of the world, all the sorrows of life. For me, and for millions of other pornography addicts, the orgasm was sought as a daily occurrence, and if I could not have it with another person, I would get it in my solitude with the images that danced across the video screen of my computer.

Looking back on my life, I have nothing but shame over this. I listened willingly to the devil’s lies and used other people’s bodies for my own pleasure. They, in turn, did the same to me. When we parted ways, either in person or by turning off the computer, I was left with the same loneliness and pain I was desperately trying to escape.

What was I looking for? I believe the same thing that all addicts are looking for – love. The sense that someone cared for me, a sense that I never got from my dysfunctional family of origin or the people around me. In the world of psychology, this is true of the many, many troubled people who have done horrendous deeds to other people. They have been severely damaged, warped and bent by a lack of love and by being abused. By living in dysfunctional families, they are made to feel that they are worthless, no good, and deserve nothing but pain. The addiction of sexuality momentarily takes away all this pain. It is a using of other people’s bodies as medication, lusting after that one body that will give an enduring and permanent joy.

It is lusting after the wrong body.

You see, God Himself has given to us the Body which will give us that joy and happiness, both in this world and forever. The Eucharist is not, as many Evangelical assemblies teach, merely a bare meal of remembrance, some crackers and grape juice, accompanied by good thoughts about Jesus. It is that one and same very Body which hung upon the Cross. It is the most self-sacrificial love the world has ever seen, and more than that, because in the Eucharist there is a real union with Christ, He enters into us to bring us His peace and joy. Union with the right Body has replaced my desperate search for orgasm with a peace and joy that is, at times, an absolute wonder to me. I have experienced moments of sheer peace beyond description. It is what I was looking for in all the wrong ways with all the wrong people, doing all the wrong things. Most importantly, I am free from enslavement to passions that I could not control. All of this happened after Christ joined Himself to me in the Eucharist. His Body gives freedom that the world does not understand.

And it is not only me. I have read many stories of people who turned to Christ and have found in Him the love they were looking for in the false pleasures of fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and other sexual behaviors. In the Body of Christ we are immersed in a love which settles our hearts. If you understand analogies, there is a beautiful one in the Bible. It is that we are as believers called “The Bride of Christ.” The word bride points to the wedding night and the intense delights of a virginal discovery of the other. The so-called “Sexual Revolution” of the 1960’s was a horror that destroyed that imagery of wonder and discovery as it opened up the floodgates of pornographic literature and videos under the guise of “freedom of speech.” It took that which should have been reserved as a special and intimate night of discovery and has turned it into something commonplace and not so special. It has destroyed the analogy.

Christ is our divine Bridegroom. He is the Body that I was seeking for all along. Discovering Him, over and over again in fresh newness, is the joy of the believer. The Fathers of the Church have described the Eucharist in nuptial terms, a joining of bodies that produces joy and wonder. And to take that analogy a little further, as the joining of husband and wife produces new life, so the entrance of Christ into our bodies produces what St. Paul referred to as “the new man in Christ.” This new man of faith is not enslaved. I rejoice in the mercy of God to me that even as I was searching in all the wrong places and doing all the evils I was doing, our Lord continued to call to me until I came to the point of entering into that blessed union with Hm.

Yes, that thought I had waiting in line at my parish was a correct thought. This IS the Body – the Person – I have really desired all my life!

Read description of Christ the Bridegroom

Icon of Christ the Bridegroom