For those who wish to participate in the activity that Fr. David has set before us, here is the Step One worksheet that Fr. David posted on Realm. This goes along with the first video message that you will find on YouTube with the link that I posted to the YouTube video.
- _____________ alone is not sufficient to express the totality of the concept of
repentance. - Repentance includes being ____________ within to ___________ differently.
- By preaching repentance, the Apostles were showing us a way to __________ and
_________. - It is the struggle against sin and the __________ and their ___________ by Christ that define the content and character of Christian life.
- Step 1: “We admitted we were ______________ over sin and that our lives had become _____________.”
Reflection Questions:
- What have been your greatest experiences of joy, peace, and well-being? Compare those to your worst experiences. How would you say sin was active in those situations as compared to life’s best experiences? (In all of my worst experiences, sin was active in that I was trusting in myself to do the things that would give me relief from the pain of my anger, discouragement, and loneliness. Sin caused me to make wrong choices and seek relief in all the wrong ways and places.)
- How do you find refreshment on a regular basis? What have you found that
helps? (I find refreshment in church on Sundays and also when I am simply driving out in the country, looking at the beauty of God’s creation and being thankful to him for a beautiful day. Quietness does wonders for my soul. There have also been a rare few wonderful times in prayer when I have been able to transport out of my earthly concerns and sense that I am truly praying) - Reflection: St. Paul on Powerlessness against Sin
Romans 7:14-20: For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do… But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
• How does St. Paul describe the powerlessness one feels under the sway of sin?
• St. Paul does not identify his spiritual nature with sin but sees it almost as an invasive organism in the flesh. How does this compare to contemporary messages about sin? About what it means to be human?
• Have you ever believed that a problem like a sin or particular habit was just part of who you are and will never change
Faithwork: Take some time this week to write down as many ways as come to mind the sins that trouble you the most, and how they have brought suffering into your life. Your conscience should be your guide. If you have ever made a list of sins in preparation for confession this is a similar process. Focus on identifying those areas in which you have experienced a sense of powerlessness to change or improve. You may wish to bring the list to confession or share with someone you trust to help keep you accountable.
Now for a bit of personal reflection on this. We human beings like to think that we are in control of our lives. We like to think of ourselves as able to conquer, to overcome adversity, to come out “on top” so to speak. And granted, in the world in which we live, we have numerous examples of people who, through serious discipline and practice, have risen to the top of their chosen field. Our history is filled with athletes, warriors, and a multitude of other fields of endeavor in which people have exceled through intense human effort.
Unfortunately, our tendency, as I see it, is to transfer this sense of ability to our addiction to sin. We think, “Oh, it’s nothing. It’s not really that big a deal.” or we lower the bar of accomplishment so that we can believe that we have succeeded. As mentioned in the first article of this series, for many Christians, it is enough that they have “Accepted Jesus” and are not involved in any of the more gross outward sins such as fornication or drunkenness. But that is setting the bar way too low. Let me show you just how low it is by a reference to story that has left a lasting impression on my mind.
Several years ago, during the communist era in Romania, there was a priest-monk who was thrown into prison because of his Orthodox Faith. He was beaten by the communist prison guard and tortured almost to the point of death. And as the priest was lying on his bed, recuperating from these beatings, the prison guard was responsible for his beatings was betrayed by his fellow communists, and was also thrown into prison . . . into the same cell that the priest-monk found himself in.
One night, the communist guard, after receiving a particularly harsh beating, was wailing in agony. With tears in his eyes, he turned to the priest-monk whom he had tortured and said: “Father, please pray for me. I cannot die…as I have committed such terrible crimes”.
To this plea for help, the monk, who was himself in great physical pain, called two other prisoners over to help him off of his bed. He leaned on their shoulders, and slowly, he walked over the bedside of his own murderer and caressed his head.
“You are young . . . and you truly did not know what you were doing. I love you will all my heart. If I who am a sinner can love you, imagine Christ, who is truly Love incarnate . . . imagine how much He loves you. And all of the Christians whom you have tortured and gone to their eternal rest . . . know that they forgive you, and they love you, as Christ loves you . . . You wonder if your sins can be forgiven? He wishes to forgive your sins more than you wish your sins to be forgiven. He desires for you to be with Him in the Kingdom, much more than you wish to be in heaven with Him. God IS Love . . . and you need only to turn to him . . . and ask mercy.”
This glorious priest monk, in the moments that followed, heard the confession and gave absolution to the very man that tortured, beat, and murdered him. They prayed together, embraced each other, and the priest-monk went back to his own bed. Both men died that same night . . . which happened to be Christmas Eve . . . the day that God came to show us all ultimate love, by coming to forgive the sins of all men.
I confess that at this point in my life, I could not do that. I confess that the thought of death scares me – actually terrifies me. This is because I do not see my loving heavenly Father as having love in particular for me. And this comes from the problem of transferring to my heavenly Father, who is love, the sins and failures of my earthly father. I was once told by Fr. Elias, who was, until he moved away, my spiritual director, “Ed, God the Father is nothing like your earthly father.” In his wisdom, he understood the tendency we all have in thinking of our heavenly Father in the earthly terms of our earthly fathers. For those people who had good, wholesome earthly fathers, that relationship is a blessing and leads to supreme trust in our heavenly Father. But for those of us who had cold, indifferent, or even abusive earthly fathers, it is one more nightmare we have to struggle with. It is a sin not to trust entirely in God, not to love Jesus our Lord supremely. He is the one who is not only worthy of love but eagerly awaits our loving response to Him. It seems to me that part of my addiction is a lack of trusting in anything that I cannot see or touch. My relationship to God is one based on a fear of experiencing God’s wrath if I don’t do everything just right. This is, if you can call it faith at all, a very crippled and dysfunctional faith. And unfortunately, there are religious organizations which encourage this.
Addiction is about dysfunction. Addicts come from dysfunctional families. Addiction is, to use the AA phraseology, the way we “medicate away our pain.” The temporary pleasure of sinful actions overrides the feelings of loneliness, despair, and sorrow. How do you think that the priest monk in the story above could have done what he did? He came to the point of complete vulnerability before God, throwing himself completely and trustingly into the arms of God. This is something that we as humans are afraid to do – that I as a human am afraid to do. We need to maintain the semblance of control over our lives. Even when out of control, we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves that it is not that bad, that we have everything in hand.
The answer to questions 1 and 2 is that I have found my greatest despair when I fail to see that in all things, God is in control. Fear and terror take hold of me, and I frantically begin to look for an answer, a way out. The answer is to trust that my loving heavenly Father, my “Higher Power” (if I want to stay within AA terminology) is not a passive bystander to my pain but will work out all things for my ultimate good, even if it does not appear so to me at the time. This is the challenge of sin that I must face – a lack of complete trust in God. Because I have come to rely so much on myself, I am addicted to a behavior of distrust of others, including God.
Today, April 20th, 2025, I have begun to realize, by observing the lives of those Christians who have gone before me and have lived holy lives that I can only imagine, that I am unable by myself to live the truly Christian life. Oh, I can fake it, if I want to continue to be a phony. Going to church regularly, attending to the Sacraments, singing in the choir, engaging in religious talk, all of that will make me look like I am on top of the Christian life. But it doesn’t deal with the inner man. It’s a show, designed to make me feel good about myself and to impress others.
A PRAYER: O Loving Lord Jesus Christ. You came to me in the depths of my sin, when I wanted nothing to do with you, the Bible, or the Christian faith. You never gave up on calling me until I responded. You healed my mind from the ravages and insanity my drug abuse. You set my soul free and gave me a real peace in my heart that I had so long looked for in all the wrong places. How, my dear Savior, could I ever doubt your love? And yet, I still try to run my spiritual life by myself; to do the things I think I need to do to make you love me rather than just remembering and resting in your love.
Now, Lord, I confess that I am unable to live the Christian life. I am able to appear a good Christian to others, but the real life of a close and deep union with you is impossible to me. You alone can do this in my life. I have no power over the sins of doubt and despair that I so often fight. I cannot control my anger, which often breaks out when I don’t have things go my way. I confess this failing to you, this inability to change, and I ask you to take over my life and do with it as you will. I will strive to patiently wait on you, knowing that you do all things for my good and according to your timetable and not my own.
Finally, I acknowledge with thanks all that you have done for me in my life. It is of your great mercy that I have come to the old age that I have reached, that I have health and soundness of mind. And in all things I say, “Glory to thee, O Lord, glory to thee.” Amen.
Muddling Through Life 