In my previous blog post on Step Two, I clarified that it is not just faith that makes you well, but it must be a healthy faith. Faith in sick people and their sick teaching will only aid you in continuing in your addiction/sickness.

Here is Fr. David’s worksheet for this step:

One-minute Takeaway: Take the next minute to write down in a journal your one-minute takeaway, first impressions, insights, or reactions.

Summary Points:

• Step 2: We came to _________that a power greater than ________ could restore us to sanity.
• Addiction is a mental _________ that gives rise to a compromised will and poor __________ faculties.
• The church also understands sin as a _________ of the soul and not simply moral transgression. We continuously pray for healing of ______ and_______.
• ________ is the beginning of our journey forward. God can and will help us, if ______.

Faiithwork: Last week we asked you to take inventory of your life and see how sin has affected you. This week, Fr. David asks us to take an inventory of our faith—what do we believe about God, honestly, as it relates to our everyday lives? Where does God fit into my decision-making throughout the day? How do my beliefs affect my choices, actions, behaviors? Take the time to write down at least 4 ideas about God that you believe you’re your own words.

A Note on the role of sponsors in recovery:

Recognizing that a power greater than ourselves is needed to restore us to health means also learning not to rely solely on ourselves and our own opinions. Each person in recovery is advised to find a sponsor, someone who has gone before them and has some sobriety and recovery experience.

In the Orthodox Church we already have this understanding that we are not saved alone but as the Body of Christ, one body even though made of individual members. We also have the tradition of sponsors who guide us through baptism and chrismation then continue to play a mentoring role for us throughout our life. We also have the tradition of spiritual fathers and mothers, confessors, mentors and advisors to whom we look to get the experience and perspective we need to fulfill our repentance.

In addition to your beliefs, also start to think about those to whom you might look to for guidance. You may wish to ask them help mentor you through this program as well, especially your confessor.

And my personal thoughts: As I was pondering this step and the previous blog piece I wrote, what came to my mind is that love, above everything else, is the foundation of both recovery and a healthy and sane life. The people I mentioned in my previous blog piece do not present God as love.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

In reading the biographies of many successful people whom we look up to, a common thread is that they grew up in families where they knew they were loved. Love is the most powerful force in the world. It is the force that drew Christ to the Cross. When I was investigating Orthodoxy, one of the phrases that enchanted me was “For thou art a good God who lovest mankind.” I never heard that in the dysfunctional “Christian” sermons I heard for so many years.

It seems to me that this same potent force must be the basis of any and all recovery for the addict, both the physical addict and those of us who are sin addicts. If we fall in love with Christ, the Beautiful One, the Lover of our Souls, we will not wish to do anything that severs us from our relationship with Him, nor causes Him sorrow. Sin will become a horror to us. We will not have to tolerate some Tennessee Windsucker pounding the pulpit with threats of fire to keep us from sin. We will engage the fight against it because it keeps us from our Beloved One.

This ultimately, must be the work of a sponsor, to help the sin addict see Christ as ultimately more desirable than sin and to help the sin addict work his/her way through the constant temptations which the devil throws at us in an attempt to take us from Him. The sponsor himself becomes the incarnated embodiment of Christ and His love to the addict, a visible, living, love. that is both felt and experienced.

In the following questions I offer my own reflections. Perhaps you will find a commonality with them or in some way they will help you examine your own heart.

Reflection Questions.

In Luke 18, we hear about the Blind Man who cried out to Jesus to have mercy on him. He persisted even when the crowd pressured him to be silent. What pressures do you face which try to limit your faith? Are they external or internal?

The pressures I face come from both. The internal pressure is to understand that God is not at all like my earthly father, that He is far and away more loving, more kind, more concerned about me than I can even imagine. I struggle to internalize this love and hold it in my heart as a healing balm. Externally, when something bad happens, the wicked one puts thoughts into my head that God really doesn’t care, either for me or the problems that plague my life. The sense of lack of love in my life causes me to be angry and often to explode in outbursts of anger which are fueled by fear of abandonment.

In addition, and I apologize for my language, but I am not going to sugar-coat how I feel, I have been shit on so many times by so many people that I find intimacy and true friendship to be something very hard to maintain. Starting with my family of origin, the people who picked on me all through my school years, the various others who did bad to me, for a long time I was a social introvert. I could be invited to a party and would grab a drink and go sit in a corner. Trust was a hard thing for me, and unfortunately, I am carrying this right over into my walk with the Lord. I think that a deeply intimate and loving relationship would go a long way to healing the internal sorrows that drive me to sinful actions.

Jesus healed the man but said, “Your faith has made you well.” What role do you think we each play in the healing of our sicknesses, spiritual or otherwise? What role do other people play? Can you think of an example from personal experience?

This is an interesting question. It seems that the only role I could play in the healing of my sin addiction would be to cast myself at Jesus feet, admit to Him my complete helplessness, and keep going back to Him when I fall, which I do a lot. As far as other people, it seems to me that as mentioned above, a deeply loving and intimate relationship would go a long way in helping a person come to wholeness.

What do you believe about Christ’s power to heal? Is it only for those who are worthy? Righteous? Good? Does Christ heal sinners?

For me, the question is not one of Christ’s power to heal, but His willingness. I am healed, and yet I am not. Let me explain that statement. My stupid decision to take drugs almost killed me. LSD is a nightmare of a drug, and it pushed me into a psychosis which had me in despair of ever being normal again. Yet, here I am, some fifty plus years later, in a sound mind, healed from the effects of that drug. So yes, Christ does have both the power and the merciful heart to heal. And yet, there are issues I am still struggling with and from which I have not as of yet found healing. Why? Deep inside I sense an unresolved anger that is not going to go away by itself. This is the passion (sin) to which I am addicted. All I need is the right trigger, and BOOM! it goes off, often publicly embarrassing me and certainly being an atrocious witness to the Christian faith.

I also think that I too often expect a miraculous deliverance from my passions when that is not the normal way that God has dealt with mankind throughout the ages. From the monks of Mount Athos to the ordinary person on the street, the healing comes through our cooperation with the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives and through people who are the embodiment of His love to us. Christ is in my pastor when he encourages me, in my friends at church when they hug me and warmly greet me, in various people I meet who, knowingly or unknowingly, share God’s love with me. Sometimes it is as simple as Jesus buying me a coffee. (Please read the story in this link!)

St. Paul said, “This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom I am first.” How would believing that saying influence your ability or willingness to believe in Him?

It was not really hearing a verse from the Bible that brought me to believe in Christ and seek Him. It was the intense experience I had of His mercy at a Bible Study some 50+ years ago. I was in Virginia Beach and was invited to the Bible Study. Something the Bible teacher said struck a chord deep within and I actually interrupted the study by crying out loudly for Christ to have mercy on me. I was prayed over and collapsed on the floor. As I lay there, I felt a warmth in my chest and a peace came over me. Within two weeks, I noticed that the damage from the drugs I had taken was miraculously gone. It was experience, not knowledge, that put me on the path of salvation and seeking Christ.

I think this would be true of most people. I think that experience trumps intellect, and in the Orthodox faith, we speak of experiencing Christ. This is the way the holy monks and nuns live, giving up all to find that experience of God’s deep love in the solitude they have chosen.

Step Two is not just knowing about that Higher Power, but knowing that He, Christ our Lord, loves us more immensely than we can even begin to imagine. Meditating on that love and seeking to walk in it will be a great step in healing my wounds.